These Phrases shared by A Parent Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - going on a short trip abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."